Banned from zoo.
Again?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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