After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
