she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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