Sponge bath it is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she smelled like a LAN party
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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