Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
