Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
