it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
