You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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