need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
