you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
