that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
