Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
