he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
