tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think your dad took our porno
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
