Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
