I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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