We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
