what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
