i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to make out with him forever
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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