so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you win again, gameday.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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