Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
