We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
