he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
