just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
a search helicopter?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
