the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
