I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
