I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
