k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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