I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
