you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize