We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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