I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Congratulations! We have a period
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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