We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
