I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
