what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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