Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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