he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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