eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
