yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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