Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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