i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
