More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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