well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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