I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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