I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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