I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Green mimosas i think yes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
