my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
