Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
