New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Randomize
