Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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