haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
