My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
