my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
