So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
