do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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