Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
