Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
