We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
