My underwear smells like fireworks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
