ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
