when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have feelings that need drinking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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