i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
