If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
