It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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