i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
