Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
