NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I touched a dick in church today
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