her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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