ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
